Hard To Hear… but true question 191
I am not going to try to edit down and print three emails I have received recently. Nor will I try to write down my memories of two phone calls. All had the same substance — three younger ministers facing a bad situation. They wondered if it was time to move on or if they were being sinful for thinking about leaving.
In each case, these were the kind of preachers I praise from the rooftops. They were young, smart, educated, and energetic… and they had chosen to work with smaller churches. Preachers for churches with less than 100 in attendance are the backbone of our religious tribe. They aren’t invited to speak at most lectureships or seminars and rarely will they even get a passing mention in our publications, but we couldn’t do without them. They keep the faith alive in remote or difficult places.
However, let’s not get all idyllic-eyed about this. Some of those small churches are small for a reason. Some of them are open for business as if tomorrow is the last Sunday in June 1956. They have successfully avoided change and driven off any of their children or ministers who tried to move things along. They often equate smallness with faithfulness and consider themselves the faithful remnant — the “few there be that find it.” They fail to recognize that God had no intention for us to remain small and that the word “few” is a comparative term. Being one of a group of a couple hundred thousand is not being one of the “few,” but one of the “minuscule.” We have had quite a few billion people on this planet in its history. We could have a billion people truly profess Christ and they would be “few” compared to the bulk of humanity. So let’s stop with all this “small is beautiful” stuff when it comes to church size. (and, yes, that means if you prefer small churches, you need to ask yourself why. Are you willing for them to remain small so that you will continue to feel comfortable? I helped a church grow from 130 to 300 years ago only to have an elder stand — every single time he was scheduled to lead a prayer or give announcements — and complain from the pulpit that he liked things better when the church was small enough to know everybody. I eventually left and he got his wish)
If you have a calling to reach a church and a community and it is going to take a few decades to get them to move along to where they should be — wonderful! I know two or three people with that gift. I do not possess it. If, however, you find yourself in a church that will not move, or a church that mistreats its ministers — we need to talk.
The average minister in my religious tribe stays in the ministry just under 7 years during which he will serve just over 2 churches. That is tragic. When asked why they left (and the majority of preacher school graduates leave the ministry after just a few years), they almost always report what can only be called ministerial abuse. Ministers are often told they must account for every hour they work — and every one they don’t. They are criticized constantly, not paid what they were promised, denied vacation time or time off, and blamed when things go wrong. The three ministers who wrote and called me told of demands that they work 50-55 hours a week, take no vacation time (because a trip home for a funeral was called ‘vacation’), not preach on certain subjects, not take their kids to certain youth events, have their wives work as unpaid staff members, do the work Biblically assigned to elders such as visitation and counseling, and do the work Biblically assigned to deacons.
The question all asked was: should I stay or should I go? Here is the hard to hear stuff: Jesus said not to cast your pearls before swine. Take that any way you want, but the fact is that Jesus said it and meant it. Don’t waste your life trying to make people do what they are not going to do. The second thing I need to say is that Jesus already died for these people; you don’t have to die for them, too. The third hard thing is to remind you that Jesus said when a city will not listen to you and accept you, you are to leave it, shake the dust off your feet, and move along. There is no question that Jesus loves the people in those cities — and loves them more than we ever could. Yet, since our lives are limited, we are to move on and find another place; a more receptive people.
Those people might reside in a different church, but they could also live in your community. We find some of the most receptive people to be those who have nothing — the broken, homeless, unemployed, and frightened. Maybe you should build a new church with them. Any town of any size could have a large church formed just out of those who have been mistreated by the local churches! Start one of those!
But don’t waste your life. Do as Jesus did and move along. You have pearls to distribute.
One cautionary note: if you have been burned by three or four churches, it might be you. Take a good look at yourself. You might be fine as a person and a minister, but you have a real need to have someone else help you craft your contract. Or maybe you need to find another line of work. Look at it like you would a man who has been married and divorced four times. The only common denominator is… If that is true of you and churches, don’t automatically stop serving God in a public manner. Get advice and counsel… and take it! Make the changes you need to make. If you aren’t willing to make the changes, it is time to move to a a different way of making your living and serving the Lord.
June 28th, 2009 at 6:17 am
I was fortunate to stay in ministry (in our tribe) over 30 years, serving three churches. The last one was a 15 year stay and, for the most part, very enjoyable though not without some major conflicts that had to be resolved.
You’ve been very straightforward with your comments here. I couldn’t add a thing.
That elder who frequently commented on how he liked it better when the church was smaller … what a message that sends to all the newer members! In reality, he should have left instead of you. But far too many elders don’t live in the world of reality. It’s too much of a threat to their control issues. I was fortunate to have some very, very good men, and close friends serve along side of me and my ministry.
June 28th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I won’t say anything except, it’s not about how many you bring to church, it’s how many you can bring to Christ.
(It is not my place to comment on individual situations.)
June 28th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Laymond, I see your point, but I think most see this as synonymous.
On this point, I think I can side with Laymond. Leading people to a church is not the same as leading them to Christ. Many are confirmed in their faith in their church and its system but they show no signs of having Christ as the Lord of their personal, daily life and attitude.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:49 am
good article
June 29th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Many preachers find themselves working for elders who are nuts.
I recently talked to one who was dressed down and told his offence was that he wrote three words on a chalk board in an adult class. In the view of the elder that was wrong.
I believe the candidate should do a good interview of the elders as well as allowing them to interview him. I would advise a man to not take a job if the elders refused such a conversation.
June 29th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
A quote from the book Spiral Dynamics by Don Beck:
“For a minister or church leaders to be effective in managing a congregation, they must (1) identify with the core beliefs but (2) stay about a half a step ahead of the members to answer the questions they are now beginning to ask and the new ones they are about to raise in the new awakening. Yet church leaders cannot appear too far out of sync or they will be declared heretics and/or driven away by the righteously Closed (minded).”
It is not necessarily bad to leave a church. It could mean you are growing and the church is not or that the church is changing and you are not. Either way, it a bad fit. It doesn’t mean that the church is bad, just that they are closed from growing (not your fault). Some churches can not grow (or will not grow) and that is not the fault of the preacher…that is just where the congregation is. The leadership may even say they want to grow when in reality, they want to stay the same…again, not the fault of the preacher.
Conflict is good. The boat must be rocked for a church to grow. It’s not pretty but they must be shaken from their current beliefs in order to want something new. The congregation will likely hate you for this…again, not the preacher’s fault…but may be exactly what God wants to happen…again not necessarily the pastor’s fault.
There is wisdom here. Thank you, Dusty.
June 29th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Dusty said, “Conflict is good.” There are so many opportunities for growth and enhancement of relationship when conflict is handled well, and since conflict is inevitable, might as well handle it well! Someone has observed that every church is in one of three situations regarding conflict: They are heading into it, they are in it, they are just coming out of it. Problem is, most elderships (in my experience) would rather do anything than to (1) admit there is conflict and (2) actually handle the conflict rather than ignoring it. Good post. Good comments.
June 29th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
47 years ago my wife could not laugh at Gary Freeman’s “A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Heaven.” Now she can. We have been where we are now over 23 years, and it has been a home to us. But there have been potholes & bumps in the road. We thank the Lord for loving us!!! R.D. PS: I Just turned 80.
June 29th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
“There is no question that Jesus loves the people in those cities — and loves them more than we ever could. Yet, since our lives are limited, we are to move on and find another place; a more receptive people.”
This article accurately describes the elders/men’s committees in at least three churches I’ve attended in my adult life. Patrick, once again you’ve hit the nail on the head. The way most churches treat ministers it’s a wonder anyone goes into ministry.
! I agree w/ Laymond also. How’s the saying go? “Sitting in church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage makes you a car.”
I pray the three young ministers find some relief and answers.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Patrick, I agree. But I still think the average church-goer will see bringing someone with them to church the same as leading them to Christ, and therefore see these two acts as the same.
June 30th, 2009 at 6:15 am
Norman Gipson told a group of Sunset graduates that “Most preachers who quit preaching do so for the very reasons that should have got them started in the first place.” (Lubbock, Tx, circa 1979 or so)
Maybe we also need a whole new generation of church planters. Just think of the new life we could breathe into this country – this world!!!!!!!!!!!
One other question – the seven year/two church statistic – is that from a recent survey? I want to quote this, but would like an additional source if possible.
Thanx!!!
It is not. I got it about 15 years ago from one of our larger schools of preaching. The last I heard (in discussions with Harding Grad and Lipscomb), the attrition rate is still about that high. Most school of preaching grads leave first. Those with higher degrees such as MDiv and DMin stick around a lot longer… but not all of them stay within our religious tribe. I have minister friends who are now Episcopalian Priests, with the United Methodists, or with the Independent Christian Churches.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
As a young minister, I can tell you the struggles of my classmates are real – and tragic. I have classmates whose marriages and families are now in shreds after ministerial abuse, and I have others who have simply chosen to leave.
It hurts my heart as I believe the message of simplicity in Christ is what our culture needs, and we have a real opportunity to present it.
I think the easy part is to blame much of this on our fellowship, but there is also the portion of ownership which is ours as ministers.
One missionary I heard said, “The church has a way of taking a few things out of a young man which need taken out.”
Yes, I agree with Patrick (who once preached 20 miles from where I grew up) that there is a time to shake dust off of our feet, but sometimes it is as much a bruised ego and lack of people skills as anything else which leads to all sorts of trouble and (unhealthy) conflict.
On the flip side is a comment spoken to me by Mac Lynn some years ago on ministers leaving the ministry. He said (paraphrasing), “They killed Jesus – what do we expect when we go into ministry?”
We do need church planters and new, growing communities of faith as mentioned above. We also need those with the gift of patience and love and mercy to slowly hold hands with those who are willing to follow Jesus with some help.
Unfortunately many young men seem to enter ministry with the goal of helping/evangelizing, but also with the unspoken desire to be praised and promoted.
One other note – we are experiencing a religious upheaval the likes of which probably has not been seen since the Reformation. This is catching everyone in its crosshairs. All of us are being impacted, and we must all pray for love, patience, and a spirit of forbearance with our fellow followers of Jesus.
July 1st, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Mr. Babb, you have many good points. But I think there’s an influence we’re overlooking. Know up front I’m not favoring capitalism v. socialism, or minister v. no minister, blah blah blah, here, I’m simply pointing out one thing.
Most congregants spend 5-6 days a week in some subset of the corporate world, which gives out praises and raises based on individual performance. Corporate rules have so subtly invaded worship space; it’s inevitable congregants would bring corporate mores into a church setting. And we end up emphasizing the importance of an individual’s work over the good of a community.
In my experience I’ve seen churches run on business schemas. Sometimes the schema is limited, but sometimes it has been adapted to a model which I believe doesn’t always conform to God’s guidelines–guidelines I believe entail most work to be done by a community, not just by an individual.
Now, I’m not saying individuals should just give up and not do anything w/o the support of a community… that’s not what God said, either! But I believe this influence is at least a small part of why we end up w/ frustrated congregations and burnt-out preachers.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Great wisdom, Patrick ! Once again, thanks for sharing.
DU
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:50 am
Small is relative. I cannot imagine attdending a church of 10,000. I love my church of 800 but, then again, others would say that 800 is huge.