Tentpegs

Here’s an interesting way to start a Monday!

I come from the same religious tribe as you, so I’m wondering if you have ever encountered this situation. At the church I grew up in, if a young woman was to get pregnant before she was married, the church would not offer financial support to her unless she first went forward and confessed her sins to the church. This seems a little backwards to me, but I’m interested to hear your take on it.

This question brought back to mind one of the more bizarre moments in my ministry. A young lady did what the congregation described above required: she came forward and confessed her sin. She was pregnant. Not only was she prayed over and given forgiveness, the people rallied around her to help her with her upcoming delivery of the baby (the “father” was just a sperm spreader who evidently lacked both morals and a spine). When we threw a baby shower for her, one of our older ladies was quite upset. She told me that “I know we forgave her, but throwing a party for her just encourages the other girls to get pregnant.” I fought to keep from laughing. I said, “Are you telling me that some of our girls will see this party and decide to get pregnant so that they can get presents and attention?”

Could it happen? Sure. But the person who would get pregnant so that they can gain attention, acceptance, and presents will most likely get pregnant anyway in a search for those things. Fact is, that is why a lot of young, unmarried women get pregnant. They want acceptance, they fear rejection, they lack the ability to place boundaries, and they fear their place in the social structure. Churches are there to give girls (and boys) that acceptance, place, and honor in a way that doesn’t harm them.

Still… I have a question for the church the questioner describes: how Biblical do you want to be? Where is the Biblical mandate for “coming forward”? Why is pregnancy considered a much greater sin than others, thereby requiring a “coming forward”? Not only are you adding an extra-Biblical command, you are ignoring the fact that every person in the room could “come forward” every week if it were really necessary to do so to gain forgiveness of sins. I’ve had people tell me “but pregnancy outside of marriage means you have sinned in such a way as to bring another life into the world under less than prime conditions.” I agree! But most of my sins don’t lead to life; they lead to death. They are sins such as anger, judgment, consumerism, greed, apathy, etc. Aren’t those just as dangerous to the social order and to the lives of our families as sexual sin?

I am not discounting the fact that sexual sin IS sin. What I am trying to say is that we have no right to treat these people any differently than those who sin in other ways.

If this girl is thrilled she is pregnant, doesn’t care what God says, and intends to live her life in rebellion — there is no need to help her do that. However, if she is repentant, there is no need to humiliate her. Love her honestly, fiercely, and openly. Perhaps if she had felt that love in earlier years there would have been no pregnancy…