What Shall I Wear? question 217
I got a version of this question this week:
We have a real struggle in our congregation. Most of the older members insist that people should have suits and ties on when they come to church and that those without them are showing disrespect toward God. What do you say?
Let’s be very plain and honest here: God has made no law about how we are to dress when we come into corporate worship. Fact is, He has said so little about anything that we have to do in corporate worship, much less the manner in which we are to do it, that it borders on foolishness to even talk about the kind of clothes He wants us to wear while doing… whatever we are supposed to be doing.
So… I’ll be foolish and jump into this. Whenever God does not plainly speak in scripture it is our tendency to go consult another god – the one we see in the mirror. We use human logic shaped by our own desires, culture, preferences, and community and then require others to come around to our way of thinking. That is idolatry at best, blasphemy at worst.
When I was a boy, it went something like this: our teachers or parents would say “If the President was coming to see us today, wouldn’t you get all dressed up?” I noticed that this varied according to where we were living at the time (“If the Queen was coming…”) and if the current president was in favor in that church, but you get the idea: if we are going to visit God and He is going to meet us there, shouldn’t we want to wear our best?
I hope that all of us can see the horrible result of that kind of thinking. We were taught that God was someone we went to visit. We were told that He joined us in worship… and we were to get all dressed up for His arrival. But what about the rest of our lives? Wasn’t Jesus with us “always, even to the end of the age”? Just as we got suckered into saying “we’re going to church” we got suckered into thinking we had God in a holy box. He was to be approached with our good clothes on, with our heads bowed, our eyes closed, and our hands folded (which went a long way to being “decent and in order”). We managed to make God as far removed from real life as possible. And then we wondered why we lost so many of our young people as soon as they were able to flee.
There is certainly nothing wrong with getting dressed up to go to worship with others if that is the culture in which that church lives. However, churches that require the men/boys at the Table to wear ties has a real problem. If those boys/men wore ties at work and school every day and if their culture has people dressing up to go to the airport or the mall, that is fine; asking them to wear ties at church services makes sense. However, to create an artificial, cultural box in which people are to wear clothes they do not normally wear, to use language that is not used outside that box (KJV and churchy language), and to sing in ways that are completely unknown outside that box is to continue to force our religion out of the mainstream of our lives. Church becomes a museum or, worse, a stop on the tourist route. I’ll explain that last bit.
In Scotland, from time to time, I would be in a small town when the tourist bus arrived. All of a sudden, a Highland piper would show up all decked out as only Pipe Majors can be. The tourists would ooh and ahh at this bit of Highland culture before being whisked away to attend a traditional Scottish ceidlidh (pronounced KAY-lee) that had absolutely nothing in common with the community gatherings to sing and dance that disappeared from Scotland by and large by the early 1900s. The tourists would then depart, laden down with shortbread in a box and haggis in a can, certain that they had just glimpsed a special moment in time, a part of every day Highland culture. The natives would just shake their head, count their money, and get ready for the next bus.
Visitors might praise us for our singing and tell us how wonderful the service was, but if our worship does not reflect our reality, we are inviting them to be just tourists making a stop on the bus route. Sadly, when we make rules about dress, language, and worship style, we have taught our kids that this is, for them as well, just another stop on the bus. When they get control of the wheel of the bus, they leave in search of other experiences.
Am I saying that people should just throw on torn jeans and dirty T shirts and come to worship? Not necessarily, but not necessarily not, either. My questions are “What do they usually wear when they aren’t in our box?” “In this culture, what is normally worn day by day?” “Does this match the people in your community whom you are trying to reach?” “Is your manner of dress keeping others out or in any way separating you from those outside?”
I just flew into Louisiana yesterday. It used to be – I’m told – that people got dressed up to go to the airport. Men flew wearing shirts, coats, ties, and hats. Women wore dresses and pearls. That isn’t true anymore. Anyone dressed “to the nines” stands out. On my two flights, I saw one man in a sports coat and no woman wore a dress except one flight attendant (who wore a skirt) People also used to get dressed up before they went to the movies or the larger department stores. They don’t do that anymore. Culture has changed. If the church insists on being “history in a box” it will be treated as such. People will enjoy their visit to the museum and then they will leave, unchanged and untouched for we gave them nothing they perceived as portable. Even those who visit God every week in the church box will develop a mental/metaphysical separation between their psyche/life and their faith as their gatherings take on an other-worldly, once upon a time feel.
At our worship times those with $3000 suits mingle freely with those in torn jeans. Men with $40 haircuts mingle with those who haven’t combed their hair since Bush’s first term. Each of these people represents a part of our culture. Our county is very diversified – and rapidly becoming more so. Our congregation needs to reflect that. When a well dressed person comes in, they see people like them sitting in the pews and standing on the stage. When a college student walks in, they see people like them sitting in the pews and standing on the stage. It all adds up to something that reflects the reality outside the box, not an artificial one that, like Brigadoon, appears briefly only to disappear after the closing prayer.
October 17th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Very well said, Patrick. This topic always hits a wound in me, personally, because I’ve seen people hurt over something so petty as traditional garb.
http://thetimehascome.wordpress.com/2006/01/17/supperficiality-attire-at-the-communion-table/
October 18th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Patrick said; “Let’s be very plain and honest here: God has made no law about how we are to dress when we come into corporate worship.”
Patrick, you are right, there is no law, but James does address how we are to treat those who are dressed differently.
Jms:2:1: My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons.
2: For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment;
3: And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool:
4: Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts?
October 18th, 2009 at 3:34 am
thanks for this. I always thought it was interesting that the only indication scripture gives of how to dress in worship was not to dress up too much for the purposes of showing off. 1 Tim 2:9
and if people tell me how nice i look when i wear my suit once in a while while leading singing, i feel a little prideful and that’s not really what i want people to be focusing on at that time.
October 18th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Really good post!
I really think that dress (or overdress) has become a barrier to some newcomers. People want to fit in so if suits and dresses are required they won’t come because they don’t own suits and dresses. I still wear a suit to preach in on Sunday morning but on Sunday night & Wednesday I “dress down” in khakis and golf shirts. Not one objection has been made however, I have had many positive comments.
Also, wouldn’t you rather see at the Lord’s table a man wear his ‘nice’ jeans and shirt rather than the suit someone gave to him that is two sizes too big or the short sleeve dress shirt with clip on tie?
October 18th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Great post, thanks for the perspective. How does this affect issues of modesty? I ask b/c while our congregation is pretty accepting of how people dress (which I’m VERY glad for), some of our young women (mostly college age, but some younger) dress in VERY immodest ways. On several occasions, I’ve seen young ladies with dresses / skirts so short that they cannot in fact bend over or lean without revealing way too much. It’s a bit uncomfortable for the older men, and I can only imagine what their peer males are dealing with in this regard.
Many of these are “our” kids, as in they grew up here. I get the “cultural” part (many young females dress this way in the world, and they should absolutely be welcomed into our churches), though sometimes, we SHOULD look different from the culture. It’s a fine line, and one that I’m not sure I’ve personally found.
Thoughts / ideas?
October 18th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Very good answer … one of the most reasonable I’ve ever read regarding this question / issue. I can relate to JV’s comments above. There were people where I last preached I simply could not look at while preaching or because they way they were dressed was very inappropriate to the way I was raised. However, I would rather have them with us and me deal with my embarrassment rather than have them feel as if they didn’t belong.
We had one young woman (not a believer, but her daughter was a child-actress and had been in a very popular movie at that time) visit rather consistently until our “family minister” told her she was dressed immodestly (which she wasn’t, but he was so influenced by a certain home school bunch, he felt the need to protect his daughters from her). She and her family did not come back for years! They are back and fairly involved and I spoke to her about that incident. It was devastating to her … a seeker.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:38 am
As you mentioned, one needs to consider culture and a lot of other things when looking at what one chooses to worship in.
As I move from place to place, I see a lot of culture preferences. On a recent move, I attended a CofC and noted the majority of women wearing hats. It was too obvious to me that was the silent norm instead of a fashion statement. I chose not to return.
Church isn’t a fashion statement. One doesn’t have to wear a $3000 suit to show what’s in his heart or to show respect. If a preacher can’t stand-up in front of a congergation and preach in a pair of overalls – something is truly wrong.
As one commented earlier, there’s a place for short skirts. Perhaps Church is or isn’t it. When older women stop wearing dresses with necklines that show cleavage, younger women can start wearing longer skirts. There’s such a double standard there.
October 19th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Right on target, Patrick. Dress is only important in the way it makes people feel comfortable and welcome.
The modesty issue is a whole different thing. And as a previous poster noted, it isn’t restricted to a particular age.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Great post. Thanks Patrick. I find it interesting also that at our “shrink wrapped church” suits are expected on Sun morn and not at other times. What is with this?
October 19th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I heard someone say that if the church was really as loving and sacrificial as it is supposed to be then the ones who want people to dress in suits would dress casually and the ones who want casual dress would wear suits. Mutual love, respect, and sacrifice for one another. Wow, that could change the lives of those in the body and those outside the body.
Romans 9:19-23
October 19th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Outstanding post. I find it interesting that even within “dress up” congregations in the same town there can be a distinction in what is “reverent dressing up.” Thus you have a congregation that decries those who do not dress up for service, and also those who “over dress.” Thanks again for a great post. Sorry I missed you in Monroe last weekend, hope John and the good folks there treated you wonderfully.
October 20th, 2009 at 1:39 am
As a lad I was taught that we were to were our “Sunday best” with the idea that God deserves our best. Nice sentiment huh? What my teachers evidently were not aware of is the I am encountering God every waking hour. I can think of no reason to not just be the same guy every day of the week.
The Lord’s day was not set aside for worship but for rest. I usually dress down slightly when I am resting.
October 20th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
This is a problem I have fought in my ministry for so long! Well said Patrick and thanks for your honesty!!!
October 20th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Patrick … you such a great job answering all these questions. Often times I read the question and before I read your answer, I’ll think, “How would I answer this.” I never come up with answers are good as yours. Case and point … this post right here
Well done.
October 21st, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Ah, my favorite soapbox…I wear shorts and a golf shirt to church in the summer. I have NEVER understood “dressing up” for church. What it does is localizes God, makes worship a place we go to and leave, teaches our children incorrectly and keeps out the less fortunate.
Even in “regular” life, someone explain to me how tying a piece of cloth around your neck, tightly, somehow makes you more dressed up? I remember, about 15 years ago I worked for a company that required ties (even though we never saw the public or clients). My boss wore suits about 10 years out of date and they never fit. So, I come in wearing nice, creased dress pants and a nice, ironed, demin shirt with no tie. I look great. He is wearing a suit that does not fit and just looks horrible with wrinkles and even a hole in the elbow of his shirt…but HE meets the dress code, I don’t. Makes no sense.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
This question is pretty much waving a red cape (or is that necktie) at a bull.
I minister in a biracial church (black/white) and still struggle with this. African-American church culture seems to require dressing to the nines. While I come from a culture where preaching in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt is fine. (my anglo members are somewhere in the middle) I want to be careful not to put up walls between myself and my black members, or friends they bring with them, so that they don’t take me seriously or are distracted and miss the message. Culture is a powerful force and rubbing against the grain is seldom productive, without a lot of teaching and patience.
Of course, since rap, hip-hop, and belts below the butt also seem to originate from within the African-American culture I have to be aware not to over simplify the issue. And of course, I need to avoid what many of my anglo members and visitors would regard as pretentious superficiality.
Unlike some other readers I’m a little cautious to dismiss the “giving my best” argument. Yes, God’s with me when I’m singing in the shower, as well as the pew. However, it seems to me that God consistently requires the firstfruits from his people, not the sick and lame sacrifices.
I apply this principle to my time, to my financial giving (pre-tax), as an attitude to church ministries (do them well, not half-baked). Should I then draw a line at my clothing? That really is a question, not an argument. Obviously, God is more concerned about the heart than the shirt, and since He didn’t give instructions I don’t believe we should either. But how do I make the choice as to where to apply this principle?
It seems to me that there are competing principles at play in this issue, and that we shouldn’t oversimplify it to just what feels comfortable to me.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
I have a comment which is quite late, but noticed most responses are from men. I don’t know if anyone will see this, but being a woman it is more of an issue of modesty than dressing up or down. I still remember Nuns scaring me to death as a child about modesty while they were covered head to toe in their nun clothes – they were scary anyway!
I don’t know much, but I believe the writer indicated modesty for a reason, because the draw of lust can be strong (our Maker knows us). I believe a woman can cause a man to lust by obviously dressing provocatively or making it very difficult, as she can be half responsible for that sin. A woman’s ego can also be involved if she is dressing immodestly, because she knows it attracts the opposite sex and may be doing it for attention, no matter who may stumble. A person knows by looking in the mirror if something is too tight, too low, too short, or too see-through, and are ignoring sound instruction by picking and choosing.
If a woman abides by modesty to please God, she can feel frumpy if the rest of society wants her to flaunt it. But a big reason at church for myself to be careful is not having any of my brothers there look at me in a different way – that is really creepy!
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Where do you buy a $3,000 suit? I don’t think any of the men in our church have one.
Armani and about three dozen other sources will fix you up for a minimum of $3k. The men in our congregation who have them bought them when business was a lot better than it is today.